1996 Olympic Alternate Theresa Kulikowski-Gillespie Goes Beyond the Chalk Box In Captivating New Memoir

By Christy Sandmaier

“I watched the Olympic Team final from my teammate’s house, who was hosting an Olympic party. As Kerri Strug dramatically vaulted on her severely injured ankle, and they discovered they had won gold, I had to leave the room out of embarrassment. I started crying so hard I couldn’t stop.

It was a beautiful moment to witness US Women’s Gymnastics make history, and it hurt beyond words to be so close to an accomplishment…”

In 1996 Theresa Kulikowski was (very unceremoniously) named as an alternate to the Women’s Olympic gymnastics team. While the accomplishment is and remains incredible, she was, in so many ways, the forgotten player the moment the team was marched out on the floor at the Olympic Trials, their tickets to the Games punched. And as we all remember so well, later that summer in Atlanta, the Magnificent 7 captured team gold – the first ever for the U.S. women. The historic achievement sparked a new era of gymnastics in the United States and inspired generations of young athletes to follow in their footsteps. But in all of the hype, pomp and circumstance, and well-earned celebration, someone was missing. For the gymnast who grew up sleeping in her leotards when she fell in love with the sport at the age of 3, moving forward, setting her next goal, proved more difficult than she ever imagined.

Known for her beautiful gymnastics (she was made for compulsories – though she shares a different perspective than mine, I found out!), Theresa found success as a junior Elite and went on to win a bronze medal with the team at the 1995 World Championships – an experience not for the faint of heart. Being named an alternate in 1996, there was no fanfare, no celebration, no swag, no opportunity to really be a part of the team, leaving her admittedly depressed for a long time. But with her trademark determination and fortitude, she steeled herself and forged ahead without the tools or compassion from the administration to cope with what she was feeling during the transition once her Elite career was over. She went on to great success as a student-athlete at the University of Utah, though injuries and the resulting mental struggle certainly took its toll. 

As a freshman, she won the All-Around and beam titles. During the course of her collegiate career from 1999 to 2003 she set program records for the most perfect 10s on two events — beam and bars — shattering marks set a decade earlier by Utah legends Missy Marlowe and Kristen Kenoyer. She also scored a program record for the most perfect 10s in Red Rock history with 14, a record only broken in 2022 by the amazing Maile O’Keefe.

I personally remember watching and cheering for Theresa, always in awe of how beautiful her gymnastics was and I often wondered about the path she followed once she retired at the age of 23. She studied exercise science and psychology as an undergraduate student and completed her Masters degree in Physician Assistant Studies in 2007, with a professional background as a functional medicine and holistic physician assistant and a certified mindfulness meditation teacher. She also served three years with the 4th Infantry Division in the US Army and deployed to Tikrit, Iraq from 2010-2011. 

Woven deeply into her story both as a gymnast and even now are the perils of physical and mental struggles. At times, she felt like giving up, but she always remained resilient. Now she uses her passion hoping to empower elite athletes and working with those affiliated with the military (active duty, veterans, and spouses) to inspire and educate others to reach their fullest potential and optimize performance while also maximizing health and well-being.

In May of 2022, her first book, Beyond the Battlefield was published. It’s a compilation of 15 true stories based upon candid interviews with service members from all branches of the military, bringing to light the challenges of both combat and non-combat experiences while serving. In addition to these stories, Theresa introduced mindfulness and meditation as potential tools to help navigate the many difficulties of military life, with the hope of making these tools more accessible and acceptable within the mainstream military culture.

Finally allowing herself to process her feelings of her elite gymnastics experience was liberating, she said, and ultimately led her to process them on a much larger scale. Her second book, Beyond the Chalk Box, follows a similar format to her first and includes stories from some of the most recognizable names in gymnastics including: 1991 World All-Around Champion Kim Zmeskal, 1984 Olympic team silver medalist Tracee Talavera, 1992 Olympic team bronze medalist Betty Okino, three-time Olympian John Roethlisberger, 1996 Olympian John Macready, three-time Olympian and 2004 Olympic team silver medalist Blaine Wilson, 2008 Olympic team bronze medalist and Alabama assistant coach Justin Spring, University of Georgia standout and 1984 Olympic alternate Lucy Wener, two-time Olympic alternate Akash Modi, and 1984 Olympic team silver medalist Michelle Dusserre. 

The book also garnered the endorsement of many of the sport’s greats including 1984 Olympic team silver and balance beam bronze medalist Kathy Johnson Clarke, Utah star and 2023 NCAA All-Around Champion Maile O’Keefe, Oklahoma men’s head coach Mark Williams, Colorado Aerials co-owner and coach Lori Forster, 1988 Olympian and five-time NCAA champion Missy Marlowe, and 1987 National Champion Kristie Phillips-Bannister.

With mindfulness at the forefront and common themes emerging organically throughout, there is so much to be gained from reading about Theresa and each of the athlete’s journeys. And while many of the subjects are tough and raw (1984 and 1992 were particularly brutal to so many of the athletes), Theresa says she found joy in the process and reconnecting with her own gymnast-self, as well as hearing the stories of deep-rooted resilience, celebration and humor from everyone she interviewed. Several of the stories are being told unfiltered for the first time.

Kim Zmeskal shared these words as part of the bigger picture of her own evolution as a human being through gymnastics: “I’ve reflected on the world, gymnastics, and personal issues, and it boiled down to the question, “Is gymnastics really good?’ I got scared. This thing that this little six-year-old saw at this beautiful playground and opened all these doors I never could have dreamt of, is it even good? And I can confidently say that it is. It’s an absolutely huge responsibility to be aware as we’re walking through it…. “There isn’t one right way, and we’re all different and are affected in different ways, in the moment and decades down the road.”

Theresa’s passion for this project completely shines through on every page. Each chapter also is chock-full of her own reflections on the athlete she interviewed, their time together, and fun reminders of some of their most memorable routines, prompting me to go back and watch many of them including Lucy Wener’s bar routine, Tracee Talavera on beam, Michelle Dusserre’s 1984 Olympic floor routine, and Justin Spring’s 2008 Olympic high bar set. I also often found myself pausing halfway through a chapter to reflect – and believe that any athlete, coach, parent, judge or professional pondering a transition or otherwise has a great deal to be gained from Theresa’s words and these stories.

Many of the athletes interviewed also take time to share their thoughts on the current direction of the sport, lessons learned and those yet to be learned, the impact of social media on mental health, transformational change, striking the right balance between athlete and coach (on the women’s side, in particular), coping with injuries and recovery the right way, the need for mentorship and the tools for transitioning from sport into “life”, the ever-growing pressure in NCAA gymnastics to pursue the perfect 10, and the possible ramifications of NIL, among many others. 

As Theresa writes, “Gymnastics isn’t just a sport for me–it’s been my life’s journey, shaping me through challenges and triumphs. I had to leave parts of it behind, but there is a deeper essence  that allowed me to excel in the sport I will forever have within me. As you’ll see through the stories in the book, this is a common theme for each athlete.”

It was an honor to chat with her and to share our conversation, and to tell a small piece of her story.

This is your second book, and watching your videos and looking at a little bit of your social media, it seems to follow a bit of the same format as the first. When did you start thinking about writing Beyond the Chalk Box and how long did it take to come to fruition for you to feel this was the right time?

I felt like the first book was a very organic process. I did the interviews, and then I had a little hiatus. And then when I felt like I wanted to write, I just went all in. So, it wasn’t too long after the first book that I started thinking about doing it with gymnastics because I loved the interview process, and obviously, I love gymnastics. So it was like, ‘Well, this could be fun.’ I did the first interview, maybe right around COVID. I started the interview process quite a while ago. I did it over about a year and it was the same thing — I just felt like I didn’t know if I had it in me to write it at that time. So the videos sat for about a year. Over the past year, I felt like, ‘I’m going to get back into this.’ And then once I get into it, I’m just in writing mode, and I was ready to go!

How did you go about choosing who you were going to interview and whose stories you were going to tell?

A lot of it was based on people that I knew and people that were my own idols, some were who I competed with. A lot of them are older generations. I’m hoping that I can do a second, third edition with newer generations as well. Michelle Dusserre was my coach at Aerials, and she was on the ’84 team. To me, the ‘84 team was my guiding light. Once I saw them, I wanted to do the same thing. So that team was very special for me. I think everybody who’s in my generation, that team was very impactful. I had Michelle and Tracee Talavera. And then Michelle said, ‘You should really interview Lucy Wener because her story is unheard and needs to be out there.’ We talked for a long time, and I put her in there. I didn’t get anybody from ’88, but Kim Zmeskal, Betty Okino from ’92, John Roethlisberger, and John Macready. These were all people that I knew somewhat, and so I just connected with them. 

Going into those interviews, did the themes emerge as you were asking questions and as you were starting to tell the story? What surprised you the most?

So similar to my first book, I had set questions that I emailed to them beforehand, and said, ‘This is the basis of our conversation, but I’m very open to it being organic and evolving in whatever direction it’s going.’ And that’s really what happened. As I go back through, there are themes that pop up. There were common threads, just like the transition piece out of athletics and then modern day social media, the pressures of all of that, body image issues, identity loss. All these things were common themes throughout. And so I did highlight those, but I really trusted the process. That’s what I find really enjoyable about writing is that this person’s story is so unique. And as I really pay attention and listen, these deeper threads come out that I think are important lessons to share.

I feel like all of those athletes that you mentioned have very, very unique stories. But like you said, a lot of common threads. Were there three, four, five of those themes that rose to the top? Just what emerged, and what really resonated?

The purpose piece. When you are trying for an Olympic team and you’re so dedicated to a sport, that purpose is so important and motivating. And a common theme was once you’re done with that, it’s really hard to find something that can replace that sense of drive. A lot of these people ended up getting into coaching, and I think that filled that void for others. It was a process, and I even shared my own process there, because I was the Olympic alternate, and that whole identity loss and purpose was a big challenge for me. I do talk about what are the resiliency factors or the upbringing factors that allow somebody to make a transition a little bit more smoothly. 

Talking about making sure that as an athlete is going up through their career, that their coaches, their parents are emphasizing them as a human being, above and beyond what they do as an athlete. Because the people in my book who had that, they were able to transition a little bit more easily out. So that was a pretty common theme. 

And then just the pressure of social media for the current generation and just what technology is doing to our brains and how we need to teach and equip these athletes with so many more tools.

In order to navigate the pressure of social media?

Yeah, and I think it can make the transition piece that much more difficult because their identity is so wrapped up in their accomplishment and their sport, and it is in their face every single day of their life. We didn’t have that 20 years ago. Just all the more reason to really teach them introspective tools, how to disconnect from social media when they feel like they’re being used by it as opposed to using it. These are things that we didn’t have to teach athletes two decades ago, but now it’s important for their health and their well-being.

I feel like – just digging a little bit into your life after gymnastics – that’s been a purpose for you to do whatever you can in your field to help them and to promote this and to talk about mental wellness. Is that something that you think that emerged out of maybe a little bit of disappointment in ’96? And did that evolve as well for you?

I think a lot about my gymnastics experiences, and the hindsight is 2020 perspective to say, ‘I wish I would have had this. I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have taken better care of myself.’ And unfortunately, I haven’t really been able to work one on one with athletes as much as I would have wanted to because of my own health issues. I’m pretty homebound in a lot of ways. But the book and the social media, I’m trying to use those platforms in positive ways to, yes, reflect on my story and say, ‘maybe we can help future generations be healthier and happier by doing X, Y, and Z.’

There’s obviously a lot of serious topics told and addressed in the book, but what about the positives? Did you find joy in putting this together? 

There were a lot of moments of joy. What’s first coming to mind are Kim Zmeskal and Betty Okino’s stories. Obviously, they had Bela as their coach, and he was hardcore, but they found ways to make it fun. They joked about things. I mean, some of the stories that Kim and Betty were telling me were so funny. I think it’s what allowed them to get through in a relatively healthy way. Then just the overcoming. So many of them overcame intense injuries or mental health issues or whatever it was. There was just this drive. There’s like something in these athletes that just keeps us going and is a drive for perfection and greatness, which to me is always inspiring.

Was it similar or really different between the men and the women as far as what came out of their careers? The themes that emerged…

I did notice that the men and the women in general, it seemed like the men just were able to move on a little bit more smoothly – not across the board – but in general, there was that common theme. I think it’s part of it, too, is that they have more fun throughout the process. Back then, anyways – I think the women are getting better now. But the men were a team, and they were there to support each other, and they had that camaraderie and friendship, and it wasn’t just them on an isolated island. Then when they were done, they’re like, ‘Well, now who am I?’

I do feel like the women are there now in their support of each other – and not afraid to show it. What are your thoughts? Do you think it’s a healthier environment, especially now that we’re seeing the women stay in and compete longer and many attempt to do Elite and NCAA?

From a very outsider perspective, it definitely seems so. Just the fact that they are lasting longer in the sport, I think that says a lot. This Olympic team is, I would imagine, the oldest team we’ve ever had for women, aside from Hezly (Rivera). For us, 20 was ancient. You’re the grandma. So I think that in and of itself just says something about the health of their training. 

Was it hard for you to watch Trials this year, or any competition?

Now it’s not. But definitely for years after, I felt like I missed a whole decade of gymnastics because when I was done in college, I was so very done and I was so burnt out in every way. And there was a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, I think, from the Olympics that wasn’t fully really resolved for me. From 2003 until maybe 2012, I didn’t watch anything. I didn’t want anything to do with gymnastics. But then I rediscovered my love of it and watching the 2012 Olympics, I found myself going back to watching Nastia (Liukin) and the people that I didn’t really watch that much. Now I feel like I just absolutely love it again.

One of the questions I always like to ask people is, ‘what would you say in a letter to your younger self?’ So for you, is that piece partly the book?

I think so. It’s funny that you ask that because that’s a question that I asked every one of the interviewees – their wise words. What would you tell yourself and future generations? I think when I retold my story, I just realized how unbalanced my approach was. I think if I could look back and just say, remember how much you loved gymnastics when you started it. Then at that point when you lost it, what could have gone? What could we have done differently? I think just somehow, stay connected to the love of the sport. Make sure you rest. Take time for play, take time for rest. Because once it becomes a job and you’re beating yourself down lower and lower, then it’s just not fun, it’s not healthy. And I definitely got there. So, I think I would remind myself to stay connected to the love and maintain the balance as much as you can. I’m not saying everything is going to be like four hours in the gym, four hours of play, but at least bring in the joy and the lightness of life to balance.

Are there themes or lessons throughout the book? Are they more applicable to the elite athlete, or do you think the younger ones could get something out of this? Who’s the audience?

I definitely think high school to college. If I had to pick a niche audience, it definitely would be the elite gymnast who’s training for the Olympics or has done that path. But so many of the reflections and so many of the stories are human. The themes throughout it are things that even if you’re not an athlete, you can relate to some of the struggles, the challenges, and the triumphs. But in terms of the age of a gymnast that could relate to it, I think high school to college, that age would be able to read it and really get something out of it.

Would you say that’s true for parents and coaches as well, that this is something they definitely should pick up?

Well, I’ve had some coaches do reviews for my book, and Mark Williams read through it, and he just really offered really kind words. It was so helpful for me to hear that as a coach, with all of your experiences, can say these stories were inspiring, the reflections were worthwhile. So hearing that from somebody like Mark, I think this is great for coaches. I know this can be very good for parents. And then the athletes themselves can be very inspired and learn a lot. It’s not all about just Olympic gymnasts. It’s about the lessons learned through sport to then make you a better person for life.

What’s next for you? Where would you like to take this platform and the lessons gained in the book?

Well, I would really love talking to the last two decades of elite, collegiate, Olympic-level gymnasts, I would love to interview them. So that’s what my next step would be, a second edition to this, to tell 10 more stories and just continue to put the story out there.

And that’s what I love, the storytelling part of the book, because you don’t hear those behind the scenes things or what people went through. Like, I don’t think many people know Justin Spring couldn’t walk two weeks before the Olympic Trials. Just all these, they’re truly inspiring and they’re very authentic. I was so appreciative because they shared pretty openly and honestly. And, so I guess if I want to add that piece, it’s just gratitude to the athletes who have already opened up and shared, because I think it’ll be very helpful for future generations.

See more from Theresa in an upcoming issue of Inside Gymnastics magazine and on InsideGym.com about making the transition from Elite gymnastics to NCAA to the “real world” as well as those things she says she wishes would have been in place to allow for a healthier balance in the sport.

Photos courtesy of Theresa Kulikowski-Gillespie